Pumpkin Spice Latte Bars: or, The autumn dreams I hoped for

As stores start aggressively shoving Jingle Bell Rock into our ears with a tinsel-covered spear, we at A Book of Cookrye will valiantly carry the nutmeg torch of autumn against the relentless flood of canned festivity!

"Pumpkin" Spice Latte Bars Heat oven to 350°. Grease a 9" square pan. Cut a square of parchment paper to fit the bottom, Press it firmly into place, eliminating as many air bubbles underneath as you can. Coat the top of the paper with cooking spray. "Pumpkin" layer: ⅔ cup cooked and cooled carrots (firmly press and squish them into the measuring cup to measure)* ⅔ cup milk 1 egg ⅓ cup white sugar 2 tsp dark brown sugar ¾ tsp cinnamon ½ tsp cloves ¼ tsp salt ¼ tsp ginger Place the carrots and the milk into a blender, and thoroughly liquefy. Add the egg, and blenderize until completely mixed. In a medium bowl, mix the sugar, salt, and spices. Be sure to break up any spice-clumps. Then pour in the blenderized carrots, and mix thoroughly. (If you have a large enough blender, you can simply add these to what's already in there and then blenderize everything some more.) Brownie batter: 4 tsp ground coffee 1 tbsp white sugar ½ cup butter or shortening 1¼ cup brown sugar 1 tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt (omit if using salted butter) 2 eggs 2 tsp vanilla 1½ cup flour Place the coffee and white sugar in a spice grinder, and grind to a fine powder.† Melt the butter. Stir in the brown sugar, coffee-sugar, baking powder, and salt. Mix well. Then beat each egg in thoroughly, one at a time. Add the vanilla with one of the eggs. Then beat the whole mixture very well. Add the flour, stirring just until mixed.     To assemble: Spread the brownie batter into the pan. Get it as flat and even as possible, because it won't level itself out the way brownies usually do. (You may find it easier to lightly spritz the top of the batter with cooking spray and then pat it smooth with your fingertips.) Then spread the "pumpkin" pie filling on top. Bake for 40-55 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out with no liquid on it. Your testing-toothpick may have little clumps of brownie clinging to it. As long as there's no hot liquid on it, the brownies are done. These are better the second day. The coffee flavor becomes stronger. *You can boil or steam the carrots, but I suggest you microwave them instead. Cut them small enough that they fit inside a small bowl, add a spoonful of water, and cover with a wet paper towel. Microwave until fork-tender. Two carrots ended up being exactly the right amount for me, though results will vary depending on carrot size. †If you don't have a spice grinder, you can use 1 tablespoon instant coffee instead. Put it in a small bowl and press the granules with your thumb until they are a fine powder. (This shouldn't take more than a minute.) Omit the white sugar, and increase the brown sugar to 1⅓ cups.

We at A Book of Cookrye dearly love both brownies and iced pumpkin-spice coffee. We also had a surplus of carrots. These we shoved into a blender in the name of our pumpkin-spice dreams. (The pie filling is from our new favorite pumpkin pie recipe.)

Our original idea was quite simple: we would make pumpkin pie filling, and a batch of brownie batter with coffee in it. We would then swirl the two in a pan like an autumn-themed marble cake, and bake until done. I considered that perhaps the pie filling and the brownie batter may not be done at the same time, which would either lead to dried-out brownies or overdone pie filling. (I'm actually not sure what happens to a pumpkin pie if you bake it too long without burning it, but I'm sure it's less than good.) But we decided to try this anyway.

Anyway, we started with the blondie recipe that came from Mom's Betty Crocker cookbook. We then added coffee, which dyed it an unexpectedly dark color. You'd almost think we added chocolate. We also took out a third of the sugar, but we've been doing that for years.

Although today's perpetration involves essentially making two separate recipes, both of them are of the very simple "dump things into the bowl and stir" variety. The coffee brownies were ready in a short time, as was the "pumpkin" pie filling. The oven had barely finished heating up when we were done mixing everything. 

And so, we reached the point where we unite the two parts of this recipe into one autumnal whole! I started by irregularly dropping splats of brownie batter into a pan that ordinarily would have been too big for it. The coffee-infused batter was a particularly unfortunate shade of brown. It made me think of what a lot of people dramatically called "the world's ugliest color" a few years ago. You know it looks bad because the Pantone people slapped on some French in a futile attempt to make it seem nicer. They may call this color "opaque couché," but it's still an ugly shade of brown. As were the coffee brownies.

We poured in the pumpkin pie filling and immediately wondered if I made too much. It nearly covered the brownie batter, which sharply reduced our chances of enticing swirl patterns.

I soon wished I hadn't decided to try to make pretty, swirly, marble brownies. This looked perfectly fine, but it was not what I had hoped for.

The two components of these brownies were surprisingly indistinguishable after baking.

While the top had browned to a nearly uniform color, I hoped to find some enticing swirls under the surface. But after cutting out some samples, we saw that the brownie and the pumpkin had become disappointingly homogeneous in the oven. 

But while they were not the aesthetic triumph I hoped for, they tasted exactly like what I wanted. Eating these was as joyous as going to Starbucks when someone else is paying.

However, as much as I liked these brownies, I really wanted a multilayered appearance. I wanted them to look as multifaceted as they tasted. So instead of swirling the batter and the pie together, I decided to pour the pumpkin on top of the brownies.

Here you can see why I chose to use carrots instead of canned pumpkin (aside from the unwanted surplus of carrots). The same recipe made with actual pumpkin was almost watery before baking (though it came out perfect after). After substituting in carrots, our pie filling was thick enough that it wouldn't turn the brownie batter underneath into a soggy mess.

Our PSL brownies took a surprisingly long time to bake- especially given that we spread the batter far too thin before putting the pumpkin on top. After thirty minutes, the pan still sloshed when I prodded it. I guess the pie filling insulated the brownies from above. At any rate, these were in the oven for almost an hour. I was almost certain that the brownies that lay below the pumpkin would be dried out and ruined, even though they were still wet when I tested them only 5 minutes earlier.

Before I let anyone try these, I took out a corner piece to make sure I wasn't serving dried-up brownies with leathery pie filling on top. (The overly long baking time unnerved me.) As I said to my mother, "If these aren't any good, this is our last chance to dump them in the trash and pretend nothing happened!"

And... they were perfect. Given that we spread the brownie batter almost as thin as a pie crust, it rose to an astonishing height. I've never seen brownies so fluffy. I think that like the Blitz Forte, the stuff on top of the batter insulated it from above, giving the baking powder extra time to puff it up.

The pumpkin spice latte bars are sharing a plate with the Lemon Loves (see recipe here).

There was a bit of consternation at the table when people saw the missing corner piece (even though three remained). Then there was consternation for the sake of the consternation. But after the shouting subsided, these were so good that I was not permitted to take any of the leftovers.

But as a quick baking note, I must suggest that you line the bottom of the pan with a sheet of paper-- even if you normally don't. This is what we found underneath:

If you put paper in the bottom of the pan, this is no big deal. You simply cut around the sides to liberate them, and then it's easy to lift out the dessert. After all, your lovely creation can't weld itself to the bottom of the pan if it never even touches it. And if you can get dessert out of the pan, it doesn't matter what gets stuck and left behind. You can soak the pan overnight, and eat dessert instead of fretting. 

Because I hate to end a post with a dirty pan, let's look at the delicious slice of autumn again!

 

As Christmas encroaches, we at A Book of Cookrye would like to remind everyone that the holiday is optional. If you feel that any aspect of the festivity is too much work, ask yourself: "What will happen if I don't bother?"

Will your ceiling cave in if without a fully decked-out tree under it? Will your nearest and dearest abandon you if you don't spend an entire week preparing an elaborate feast? (Related: will they help clean the kitchen afterward?) Will the neighbors organize a circle of shame if you fail to drag all the decorations out of the boxes and devote an entire day to arranging them?

No one will ever thank you for being a holiday martyr. If you ever feel that no one else is putting in the work required for Christmas, simply rest your tinsel-covered hands and join everyone else on the couch. If anyone squawks that Christmas will be ruined, invite them to either join you in the chores or shut up. 

Happy holidays, everyone!