Monday, July 16, 2018

Schnitzel: or, The classiest, European-est way to make one steak feed five

Do steaks rarely happen in your house? Do they only appear when you find them in the discount bin, priced so that they leave the store before they soon expire? Today, on A Book of Cookrye, we proudly present a way to turn one steak into at least five! See this little piece of meat?

Well, by carefully directed impacts (read: whacking it with a mallet), we're going to turn it into something... bigger. Something more. Something greater than itself. Now, you may not have a meat mallet, which is totally fine. You can bash the meat with an unopened soup can for the same result. (Hold it in a thickly folded cloth to be nice to your hand.) To avoid waste, you can just wash the can and put it back when you're done.
You may be wondering, when is the meat thin enough? Believe it or not, you're going to keep beating your meat until it's about an eighth of an inch thin. That previously dainty small meat slice is now big enough to drape off the edge of the cutting board.

Anyway, the rest of this recipe is really straightforward. You season the meat, dip it in egg, then in breadcrumbs. It'll hold together better if you then let it just sit out for 20 minutes or so instead of putting it directly in the pan. I mean, if you're in a rush you can just cook it right away, but half the time the breading falls off without this extra time to set. I guess you can use this extra time to clean up the meat splatters from all around the kitchen.
This was originally one pork chop.

Now, the traditional, very German way to do this involves a frying pan and (obviously) a lot of butter. You can use cooking oil in a pinch, but you owe it to yourself to do these in butter at least once. I mean, these are already about equal amounts meat and breading, so you don't need to even try to pretend this'll be a dinner made for dieters.

Especially if you're cooking on cast iron, you can turn the burner up extremely hot. The meat is so thin that you really don't have to worry about it burning on the outside while staying raw in the middle. And the way the butter browns while cooking into the breadcrumbs will make this utterly amazing. If your kitchen has good ventilation, I would suggest keeping the pan hot enough to smoke just a little- the breading gets marvelously crunchy. However, if you have one of those stupid recirculating stove vents that doesn't actually take the smells out of the kitchen, you may well decide that cooking in a butter-smoke haze isn't worth it and turn the heat down a bit.
If you accidentally tear the meat while clubbing it, worry not. You'll just be eating meat with little windows.
Now, you may think to yourself that you really don't want all the gratuitous butter-derived calories in your dinner. Well, we at A Book of Cookrye, where a love of food is forever colliding with a desire to be pretty, have already tried to bypass the butter and can tell you the results.
This George Foreman grill was a re-gift from a friend of mine- named George.

And honestly, the meat comes out rubbery and sad. You may think it's because overcooked it, but I was obsessively watching it and took it off the grill as soon as it was done. So yeah, just give in to the butter. Embrace its buttery goodness. It is your friend.

Actually, that is a really ugly picture to end this with. It doesn't do schnitzel justice at all. Luckily, I made it again at a friend's house, where we served it on top of spaghetti (which you really oughta try).

It is so good.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

A Book of Cookrye cuts up chicken!

Today, we at A Book of Cookrye present not a recipe but a guide! Well, sort of. One of the biggest things we had to learn in cooking school so far is how to turn a whole chicken into.... this!

Now, our teachers have oft repeated that cutting up your own chicken is so much better than buying it in pieces. It's cheaper! Furthermore, it's... um, cheaper! Anyway, should you decide to try this yourself for the first time, here are some handy tips that no one seems to mention when doing those tutorials that make it look it infuriatingly easy. (Note: we're not going to try to show how to do it in pictures when there are scads of videos that do it better than non-moving pictures can.)
First of all, you'll probably have to do this a few times to get the knack, so prepare to have a small frozen flock of chicken pieces in the freezer.  
Second, if you are a bit squeamish, you might buy two or three rotisserie chickens (for why you're buying more than one, see the sentence immediately above) from the supermarket and cut them up instead of starting with a raw one. That way, you're at least a little prepared for when you get a raw chicken and find yourself facing... this.

Now, while cutting you're inevitably going to get this squelching sound that, if you're like me, will make you go "eeeeurghhhh..." the whole time. If this bothers you as much as it did me, put on some music before you get out the knife.
We at A Book of Cookrye recommend having two bowls ready: one for the meat you're saving, and one for all the bones and such. Then you can just drop various pieces of bird into a waiting receptacle as you go.
When you cut a chicken the first few times, you're probably going to end up with really sad, mangled-looking pieces. That's totally fine! It's what happens when doing something new for the first time! Just like how my first pies tended to look like this picture right here, my first attempts at cutting up a raw chicken were really sad to look at.

But worry not- no matter how badly you may have cut them, the chicken pieces still taste like chicken. Just have a few recipes ready that call for chopped chicken. Tacos, casseroles, soups-- there are many ways to turn even the raggediest chicken pieces into something tasty.
And if you really can't get over how mangled and sad the chicken looks, you can just take the meat and grind it. No one will ever know.

Once you've got the chicken cut up, if you don't want to cook it on the spot, you can obviously freeze it. If you want to separately freeze the breasts, thighs, and other pieces instead of just putting in a big package that says ONE CHICKEN, be sure you label what's in each little container or bag. When rummaging through the freezer, it is harder than you may think to tell whether you have found the legs or the breasts.
All right, so now that you've cut all the parts you wanted off the chicken, you've got a big bowl, of... um...
Now doesn't that look divine?

You could throw the skin and bones away, but since it's already in the kitchen (and you did pay for it), why not turn it into broth?
There are a lot of recipes that make doing your own broth look like an awful lot of work, but most of the fuss and bother is unnecessary. Just add cold water to your pot of chicken parts, put on a low burner so it heats up slowly, and let it sit for about a full day.
What all those happy tutorials never mention about this is that long before the stock is done, your entire house will absolutely reek of overcooked chicken. And the smell will stay with you for days, especially if you have an open kitchen and therefore can't shut the door and open a window. To prevent this, if you have a slow cooker, you can just put it in the garage (or outside if you are sure it's safe from rain, sprinklers, or raccoons) and then not have to live with The Smell.

One day later....

So, now you may be wondering: is all this bother worth it? Well, if you wanted a full set of chicken pieces (as opposed to, say, a tray of chicken breasts) it might be. Certainly the broth you make from the throwaway parts will taste a lot better than anything made from bouillon powder or bought in a carton, but if you don't make soup or have a lot of recipes that call for chicken broth, that won't matter to you.
But once you cut the meat off the bones and take the skin off of it, you will find that one-third to half the weight of the chicken was throwaway pieces. So when doing price math at the grocery store, you might want to keep that in mind. And so, we at A Book of Cookrye give an enthusiastic shrug as to whether we would do this voluntarily instead of just buying the chicken already cut and shrink-wrapped.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Hump-Day Quickie: Those weird things that look like bananas

Have you ever eaten plantains before? They're like bananas, only bigger, harder to peel, and you have to cook them first. I hadn't ever tried one until a Cuban friend sliced some and put them in a frying pan. You know what's weird? They taste more like bananas than actual bananas! Imagine if you will artificial banana flavoring, only with no fake taste to it.
This got us thinking.... is there a way to do these when we're too lazy to push things around a frying pan?

Plantain Chips
1 plantain
Cooking spray

Slice the plantain into quarter-inch pieces. Sprinkle with salt if desired. Cook on a well-greased waffle iron until soft all the way through, like you would a baked potato.

Indeed there is! Furthermore, since these are getting heat pressed onto them on both sides, it's actually faster than doing them in a frying pan! And these are so, so good.

Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Hump-Day Quickie: Toasted Cheese!

It's been a while since we had a hump-day quickie, hasn't it?
Do you like grilled cheese? If so, do you think the best parts are the cheese that oozes out onto the griddle and gets crispy and brown? If so, we at A Book of Cookrye have a recipe for you!

Toasted cheese

Heat a waffle iron. Cut or break string cheese into pieces of the desired size. Spray the iron really well, and put the cheese on for about a minute or so, or until dark brown on the outside. Carefully remove with a fork, or tip the iron over so they fall out.

I'll admit, I never really got into cheese the way a lot of people do. And I especially never liked  string cheese. No matter how many smiling mascots they put on the wrapper, 8-year-old me was firmly unconvinced that cheese was better than candy. But just this once, we can make string cheese actually... good.

Yes indeed, the one ingredient in today's recipe is string cheese! Now, in theory one can use any mozzarella, but string mozzarella seems to have that extra resilient rubberiness that makes this work. Do you have non-string mozzarella in your refrigerator and a waffle iron? If so, do try this and share the results!
Now, the weird thing is that at first the cheese just turns into something oozy and sticks to the waffle iron. But if you leave it long enough to get good and toasty-brown, it turns into... these!

Let's admire the lovely, sizzling crispiness up closer!

Now, you can eat these things hot and right off the waffle iron, or if you feel like being fancy they lend themselves beautifully to being handed around on crackers.

That's right, we at A Book of Cookrye just technically featured our first appetizer recipe! And I tells ya, it's delicious.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Second-Stab Saturday: Lemon-Coconut Treats with everything in them

The last time we made Lemon-Coconut Treats, we bowed to the preference of others and left out the coconut. And while they were really good, they also were missing half the ingredients named in the title. We at A Book of Cookrye couldn't help wondering what they might taste like if we actually followed the recipe.

That's right, so very soon after making these the first time, we're making them again! That alone should tell you how good these were.

Lemon-Coconut Treats

    1½ c flour
    1½ c brown sugar
    ½ c butter or margarine
Heat oven to 275°. Grease a 9"x13" pan. We really recommend lining the pan, either with parchment on the bottom, or with foil on the bottom and sides.
Mix flour and sugar, then cream with the butter. Pat into pan, and bake 10 minutes. Increase oven heat to 350° when you remove the pan.

    2 eggs
    1 c packed brown sugar
    1½ c grated coconut
    1 c chopped nuts (if desired)
    ½ tsp baking powder
    ¼ tsp salt
    ½ tsp vanilla
Stir together the sugar, baking powder, salt, and flour, making sure there are no flour lumps. Mix in eggs, and beat thoroughly. Add everything else. Spread on top of the crust (you may find it easier to tilt the pan than to try to use a spoon without gouging the crust), and bake for 20 minutes at 350°.

    1 c powdered sugar
    1 tbsp melted butter or margarine
    Juice of 1 lemon
While the bars are baking, whisk together the icing ingredients. Spread over the bars while they are warm (it may be easier to just tilt the pan around until all is covered than to try to use a spatula or knife).
Cut while warm, about 10-15 minutes after removing from the oven.

Source: Favorite Recipes of America: Desserts, 1968 (submitter: Mrs. Robert T Brown, Sr. of Brookville, MD- blue ribbon winner of Montgomery County Fair)

Oddly, these didn't look the same as the first time we made them. You know how the crust was like Play-Doh? Or, to make a more edible comparison, exactly like slice-and-bake dough if you let it get too warm to slice? Well, this time it was like crumbly sand.

It looked fine after we pressed it flat, but this had us seriously doubting whether this recipe would work. And even though the crust contains only three ingredients, we kept re-checking the recipe to see if we might have forgotten something.
However, this is exactly what the recipe said to do. How one can take the exact same recipe and get this dry-looking stuff one day and something like this another time is a mystery.

Well, that's the crust, which hopefully will come out all right! Why not move on to the actual coconut layer?
Now, we at A Book of Cookrye have often dissertated on our dislike of nuts in cakes and brownies. But we couldn't help to wonder: was Mrs. Robert T Brown, Senior on to something when she put them in? After all, she won a blue ribbon. But we didn't like huge nut pieces in these, so our dear kitchen friend was once again brought in to help.

I do so love that meat grinder. I never thought I'd use it as much as I have. Right- onward to the coconut! And this recipe uses a lot of it.

As I was dumping the coconut out of the bag and into the batter, it occurred to me: I've never actually eaten a fresh coconut. I adventurously bought one once, and once we busted it open, the inside was rancid. Does fresh coconut taste drastically different from the dried shreds?

Looks like we're making German chocolate cake, doesn't it?
Now, the first time we made this, this stuff was so runny, we merely dumped into the pan and could put it back in the oven. It appears that actually doing the recipe exactly(ish) as written means extra work. It was a bit tricky getting that stuff to lay flat in the pan without breaking the crust underneath or burning myself on the hot pan edges.

Now it really looks like German chocolate cake.

It came out of the oven looking like a sadly dried-out German chocolate cake. The tricky thing with recipes like this is there's no way (I know of) to tell if they're done baking or not. So you just have to hope that the timer's exactly right. But given how this recipe looks nothing like the last time we made it, how do we know that the baking times would stay the same?

It was very obvious that it would be impossible to actually spread the icing on this without mutilating the coconut stuff every time a spatula touched it. So we drizzled it all over the pan and then tilted the pan back and forth until the coverage was complete. You have to do this kind of fast, since the icing keeps sinking and soaking into all those little holes. We didn't manage to keep the icing even, but just go with it.

Don't judge the wobbly and crooked cutting lines. It's not because I always was terrible at cutting a straight line. I just wanted to have a variety of sizes so everyone can have as much lemon-coconut treat as they want.

As for the taste? Astonishingly good!

These are really rich. Unless you're making them for a lot of people, you might want to cut the recipe in half and get out a smaller pan. With that said, they are a lot sweeter than you'd think. Honestly, they use about the same amount of sugar and butter as a 9x13 cake (if not a little less, believe it or not), but somehow they taste like buttery candy. The finely chopped nuts add a really nice undertone to the flavor, and the thin layer of extra-tart lemon icing is a perfect complement to the sweetness underneath it. I've already been asked to make these again.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Potato and Gelatin Salad: or, Foisting gelatin molds on unsuspecting relatives

We at A Book of Cookrye recently volunteered to bring potato salad to an extended family cookout. Now, to be quite honest I never really cared for potato salad. In fact, I've never actually eaten it before- aside from occasionally tasting it to find out that yep, I still don't like it. Therefore, volunteering to bring it probably surprised everyone as much as if I'd volunteered to smoke a rack of ribs (note: I have never successfully operated a grill in my life and every single person in my family knows it).
But, the reason I made such a generous offer is that I get to make.... this!

Potato Salad Gelatin Mold

1 envelope unflavored gelatin
2 tbsp sugar*
1 tsp salt
¼ c room-temperature water
1 c boiling water
¼ c lemon juice
8 stuffed green olives, sliced
3 hard cooked eggs, chopped
4 cups diced cooked potatoes
1 c diced celery
¼ c diced green pepper
¼ c diced pimiento
¼ c chopped green onions
¼ c chopped parsley
1½ tsp salt
1 c mayonnaise
½ c heavy cream, whipped

In a very large bowl (pick one a lot bigger than you think you'll need, otherwise you won't be able to stir everything together without various chopped things flying out all over the countertop), sprinkle gelatin in room-temperature water and let stand for a few minutes until soaked. Mix with boiling water, sugar, and salt, (and a little pepper if desired), stir til combined thoroughly. Add lemon juice.
Add remaining ingredients to gelatin mixture. Pour into mold. Chill till firm.
Makes 8 servings.

*This seemed pointless, so left it out and it tasted fine.
In case you never use pimentos, one of the little 2-oz sized jars of pimentos is either a quarter cup or close enough to it that you can just dump the whole thing in and not have a half-empty jar of pimentos lurking in the back of the refrigerator.
Eight servings is the original recipe's claim. But you should know that this is eight very big servings.

Source: Better Homes & Gardens Salad Book, 1958 via Mid-Century Menu

Yep, spud Jello! I've been reading Mid-Century Menu for quite some time, and  This isn't the first time I served unsuspecting relatives food from the more dreaded parts of culinary history. I've previously brought in foods from Depression-era Britain (a time period which no one wants to taste again). Now, RetroRuth has stated that this recipe may look dreadful and creepy, but it's actually really good. Since we know there are no lies on the Internet, that must mean people will like this potato salad... right? Though in all seriousness, I have made a few other recipes from her site, and she has yet to mislead me when she says whether something's good or not.
Well, let's get on with it, shall we?

I couldn't justify boiling a pot of water long enough to boil a single potato, so this spud got microwaved instead. As a brief note on cooking technique, we at A Book of Cookrye do not understand why people bother peeling potatoes beforehand which is maddeningly tedious and also sends so much of the potato into the trash can. After it's cooked, you can just pick the skin off with your fingers in a few seconds. And as you can see, there's practically zero wasted potato clinging to the skin.

For the record, we're cutting this recipe in half. The original calls for four cups of potatoes. Four cups of potato is one quart, and that's before we get to all the other things.  Since we are not making potato salad to serve fifty, this recipe is getting a teeny bit downscaled.

Interesting thing about boiling eggs is that absolutely everyone we've met who does it uses a different method which they swear by. Yet no two people we've ever met do it the same way. We at A Book of Cookrye, since we never really liked boiled eggs, didn't actually even try to make them until well after we could legally buy alcohol. It's really hard to make them because you can't test them to see if they're done- you find out after you cut them open and can't return them to the water if they weren't done yet. After several attempts which either were still runny in the middle or had that bright green ring around the yolk that drives so many people to a fury, we let Delia Smith show us how.
I'm going to guess that a few people reading this are impressed at this perfection, and the rest of you are just like "So what?"

Right, that's the eggs done. If you're not doing the elaborate molded presentation with the flower garnish, the rest of this recipe is just chopping things and stirring them together.
I've been wanting to plant that sprouted sweet potato for some time, but the squirrels in my neighborhood wouldn't let it survive.

All right, so this is where we get to just dump everything in a bowl and call it a potato salad. Or so I thought. I checked the ingredients list and saw it called for whipped cream. I remembered to buy it the night before, but I hadn't actually whipped it. I thought about getting out the electric mixer, but since we're cutting this recipe in half, that bowl contains only a quarter cup of cream. Was it really worth setting up the power tools? Besides, I've seen all those cookbooks that say that it comes out so much nicer if you do it by hand.
That's barely enough cream to cover the bottom of a relatively tiny soup bowl.

For those who haven't tried  hand-whisking cream themselves, it is not as hard as you may think. This took five minutes. However, five minutes of unceasingly stirring something really hard will still give you a sore wrist. I mean, it's feasible, and I guess hand-beating cream is easy enough that you can do it without really exhausting yourself, but unless your mixer has suddenly burned out and you need to have whipped cream before you have time to replace your dead appliance, I wouldn't bother.

Really, what annoyed me the most was that I couldn't just buy the just the one quarter cup of cream I needed. No one in Our House of Cookrye uses cream, ever. And cream seems to have a shelf life as short as that of strawberries once you get it home. So it's not like we could keep this partially-used half-pint (the smallest size I could get) until someone someday needed it. But to prevent waste, I just made whipped cream and popped it in the freezer. If you take away nothing else from this post, please leave with this: You can make whipped cream, just put it in the freezer, and it will turn into absolutely delicious ice cream. And you can easily make very tiny batches and experiment with truly weird ideas; if something turns out terrible, you can at least have used very little ingredients or time making it.
And so, waste has become dessert!

Right, um, let's move away from delicious and easy homemade ice cream and go back to potato gelatin.

Sitting next to each other on top are the whipped cream and the mayonnaise. Now, the latter is what I was the very least excited about putting in this.One of the reasons I do not like potato salad at all is that it has so much mayonnaise. While mayonnaise is a perfectly lovely ingredient, it's not something I want to eat big globs of. And here I just plopped a huge splot of it on top of all those vegetables I spent all that time chopping. I wasn't even worried about the gelatin- after all, Mid-Century Menu has assured me that this is in fact a good potato salad despite the gelatin. And she never steered me wrong when I tried a recipe of hers before. Even the chocolate cake with canned tomato soup in it, as bizarrely wrong as that sounds, was so good I served that to people without telling anyone what was in it and people fought over slices and demolished the whole thing.
Speaking of gelatin, I forgot to add it. Like any good secret ingredient, it hid under everything else as soon as I dumped it in, leaving behind  only a glistening trail of pepper flecks as it made its way to the bottom of the bowl.

See? Practically invisible. You'd never know it's there. Actually, nothing looked wrong with this salad until you stirred it together and it turned to glop.

This isn't potato salad, this is a soup! As already mentioned, I am no potato salad expert, but I always thought they should not be a bunch of cold things swimming in white goop. But I was only slightly worried. I told myself that this is almost exactly what this recipe looked like on Mid-Century Menu- hers turned into this pathetic goop just like mine, and in the end it was so firm she could unmold it and the little vegetable designs she put on top stayed in place. Besides, once I got it in a container, it didn't look so bad. It especially looked all right in photographs, which don't show you how runny it is.

Heck, from the side, it even looks exactly like what one might purchase by the tub at the supermarket on the way to a cookout.

The next day, it looked exactly the same as the night before. But the gelatin had been very busy all night. It looked like a perfectly innocent potato salad. The only way anyone could tell something was abnormal was if they decided to flip the container upside down.
Please note the potato salad's severe violation of the law of gravity. This is why you always serve potato gelatin in an upright container. Seeing a salad successfully resist the laws of physics can unnerve guests.

I must admit I chickened out at the end of this recipe, and did not unmold the salad from its container. In my defense, this is a simple case of knowing your audience. In this case, these were my relatives, and they do not like it when a potato salad can stand up on its own.
But I think word did get out, because an awful lot of people were asking what's in it in slightly suspicious tones. However, the gelatin was not as obvious as you might think. Sure, this was the first potato salad I've ever seen that you could cut in slices like a cake, but it didn't have that jiggliness one associates with gelatin molds. In case you doubt my word on how good this is, over half of the potato salad was gone, which is a pretty good rate for a side dish at a cookout. Even those who didn't like boiled eggs ate a full portion of it. This is how much salad was gone by that evening:

Sunday, May 27, 2018

A Book of Cookrye goes south!

As previously mentioned, we at A Book of Cookrye pounced on some steeply discounted plane tickets to go to...

Indeed, we went to Charlotte to visit friends! This is actually the first time I've been to what people near-unanimously agree is the Deep South. Granted, I once journeyed to New Orleans which people definitely agree is very Southern, but New Orleans is this distinct mix of French and American that really doesn't exist outside of Louisiana.
Fun fact: I managed to buy up every roll of ISO 1600 color film in New Orleans because Fujifilm had just discontinued it right before I went there.

At any rate, apparently I am fated to return to Charlotte, as the construction signs proclaim that the airport is already preparing for my next arrival!
"It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the expression 'As pretty as an airport.'" -Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

All right, obviously no one's actually renovating an airport just for A Book of Cookrye. That's just one of the many references to Queen Charlotte in the city. Not only is she the city's namesake, but she's also a sort of municipal mascot. Which I find deliriously amusing, given that she was the wife of King George III, who (for those of you who are not from the US) is the chief villain and all-around bad guy in American retellings of the war for independence from Britain.If you're not from the US, you may not understand how much spite gets dumped on him in our history books. He's right up there with Satan and the guy who shot John Lennon. So, to discover that an American city made a mascot of his wife caused us no small amount of snerk.
But we at A Book of Cookrye, though we thought we were going to Charlotte, actually barely stayed there long enough to drive right out of town to where our friends live. Since we live in a region that exists in perpetual drought, we were utterly stunned at how green it is once you leave the city.

It's so green, even the cell towers have bushy green needles!
See if you can spot the point where my friends realized that I really do take a picture of anything.

Granted, they don't look like healthy pines so much as they resemble the artificial Christmas tree someone's grandmother bought in 1972 that has been shedding bristles ever since it was set up for the first time. But doesn't it blend right into the surrounding forest?
Though in all seriousness, Carolina really is gorgeously green once you leave the city. It even smells like pine and flowers when you step outside. This is the apartment complex my friends live in. Keep in mind, this isn't a super-upperclass area with a small army of gardeners on retainer. Things grow so well here, this is low-budget, almost-minimum-effort gardening.
Sure, it's unimaginative 1970's construction, but the trees make it so lovely.

All right, enough of the great outdoors (though my raised-in-a-drought-zone self couldn't believe how lovely it is). This is A Book of Cookrye, not A Book of Botanye. And we are in Carolina, where the gas stations have drive-thrus!

I should note that we first stopped at a semi-posh restaurant but I kind of had to leave. You see, I've been broke with irregular income for so long, I unintentionally learned how to read the prices on a menu without seeing anything else printed on it. Furthermore, I am not what one might call fit for being seen in high-class establishments. All the people who can actually afford such places always glance over their tables at me with some very expensive stink-eye. I'm sure that the place was lovely, but I panicked from the combination of the expense and the judgemental patrons and couldn't order anything more than one of the cheapest, tiniest plates from the list of side dishes. So what did we find instead?

Now this is America!

Indeed, we were taken to Sheetz, which has yet to open a location in our state. One of their gimmicks is using the letter Z wherever possible on their menus and price signs.

 The further you get from Mexico, the more interesting the burritos get.

To be fair, they didn't even try to call them Mexican, instead calling this the Mexican-American. Also, to be fair, a chili-cheese-Tater Tot burrito is probably insanely delicious. Also, this gas station had Cheerwine (which is only sold in a tiny region of the US) and its even rarer diet cousin.
And with that, a new addiction was born!
But enough of gas station restaurants. Naturally, few people can go en voyage for a week and eat out the whole time. And so, we were taken to Publix! That chain has yet to venture to my region of America, so this was quite the cultural experience. First, they have a very creative and amazing floral department.

In case you forgot this is the south, they sold cast-iron skillets right alongside the other pots and pans. And these are the deep ones that you can use for all the usual skillet things, plus deep-frying.

Had I not had to consider the price of checking a second suitcase, I might have gotten one of these adorable blue-green things.

Furthermore, what should have equal shelf-space with the pickle relish but these:

I've only seen chow chow sold at either the folksiest of farmers' markets or the foofiest of foofy grocery stores. But here it is right next to the pickled eggs floating in a mysterious magenta fluid (side note: who eats pickled eggs?)
Also of note, has anyone else noticed that Jimmy Buffet is turning into a vertically-integrated business entity that may come to rival Disney? He has multiple Margaritaville resorts, Margaritaville casinos, Margaritaville restaurants, Margaritaville clothes... he has even invaded the frozen dinner aisle.
What do you think Jimmy Buffet would have branded himself with had Margaritaville not been such a big radio hit?

You have to give the man credit. Walt Disney had to create multiple movies and characters before he could make an empire out of them. Jimmy Buffet has managed to do the same thing on just one pop song.
Now, since we were in Publix, which I am told is renowned for their sandwich counter, my friends wanted to treat me to one of these apparently famous deli creations. But I quaked at the prices and we ended up getting this instead.

 My friends would come to regret taking me to the next (slightly cheaper) supermarket as soon as I saw the name...

If you didn't the last time we mentioned it, say "Harris Teeter" out loud. You almost inevitably end up with a southern accent about halfway through "Teeter" unless you really carefully enunciate. And if you do that, you end up sounding a lot more prim than anyone saying "Harris Teeter" ever should.
Just to prove that they're dead serious about the name, they even put it in the floor tiles.
This is extraordinarily fine craftsmanship for a supermarket floor.

This is such a happy store. They put this right in front of the door to greet who might soever walk in:

Indeed, you might even say the sparks flew as we entered!

In true Southern fashion, they had some passive-aggressive commentary in the grocery store signage. I detect a bit of amusement aimed at those who purchase things like kombucha, coconut water, and aloe juice:
"Those dern hippies or hipsters or whatever they are now--- and their new age drinks!"

I forgot that not only I was in the south, but I was (nearly) on the East Coast until I happened to pass through the beer section:

Oh Yuengling. How I do miss being within your distribution zone. Even if the guy currently running the company is an unrepentant douche.
Elsewhere in the Harris-Teeter, we found what must be the poshest egg selection I've ever been allowed to see:

Real actual quail eggs! Duck eggs! Eggs from those chickens who make blue eggshells!
You know what? All this fanciness and high-class stuff is getting a bit overwhelming, so why not leave the expensive refrigerator case for the sodas? Surprisingly, these were priced about the same as what one might pay for a bottle out of a vending machine rather than painfully expensive.

As a side note, it seems that semi-upscale sodas sweetened with sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup have become popular enough that even the cheaper supermarkets sell them.

Back to Harris-Teeter, where I mortified my friends with my excessive taking of pictures!
You may be thinking that A Book of Cookrye has never featured such high-tax-bracket groceries unless they were a manager's special. And you would be right! Our grocery cart looked less like quail eggs and more like this:

Particularly observant readers may notice the one not-store-brand item we decided our wallet would permit. Perhaps it is an extravagance, but have you ever had a Cheerwine float?

However, perhaps one is not in the mood for cooking at home. Indeed, one of the nice things about going abroad is that the food gets different. However, before going out in public, we had to first stop and wash clothes, whereupon I was treated to perhaps one of the most elegant, simple, and creative acts of laundromat vandalism I've ever had the privilege of seeing.

And so, we at A Book of Cookrye went to our first actual restaurant that wasn't a service counter in a supermarket or a gas station!
Since this is America, just because one is dining adventurously does not mean one is actually exiting the car.

Guess which of these two cups is a large!

Incidentally, it is true that iced tea in the south is so sweet you can pour it on pancakes.
All right, we've gotten lovely drive-thru, we've dined at gas stations, and we've cooked for ourselves! Why not go out in public?
Indeed, there are so many things to see, like one of the first Krispy Kremes to open in America. This location has ridden the meteoric rise of Krispy Kreme, survived the severe Krispy Kreme crash that followed, and continued selling "hnuts" 24 hours a day for decades.

Elsewhere during daylight hours, we passed by this pizza place that inspired some surprisingly passionate rants about the lousy food. I do think it's adorable that they used one of those cheap Tiffany pizza-parlor lamps for their logo.

But all too tragically soon, this visit came to an end, and all my things had to go right back into the cases.
When your suitcase is the color of the seventies, no one ever wants to try to rob you.

But there was one consolation to having bid goodbye to close friends and air so clean it smelled like pine and honeysuckle: I had stashed in my case some gift cards to places where I never allow myself to spend my own money.
This more than made up for waiting at the gate in those uncomfortable chairs.

And with that, we at A Book of Cookrye were whisked through the air back home!