1 (8-oz.) brick cream cheese*
Tiny splash of lemon extract (or juice from about half a lemon)
Powdered sugar to taste
1 (6-oz.) bag mini chocolate chips†
Graham crackers, broken along perforations (they sell them already broken into sticks if you feel lazy yet don't want to make everyone break them off for themselves)
Soften the cream cheese. Add the lemon juice or extract (be subtle, you want not so much that it tastes lemony but just enough that you can tell it's there and adds a nice tang) and beat. It may not really mix, but you want to get it past being just a puddle which will become just a clump when you add the powdered sugar.
Add a little powdered sugar- maybe a half cup or so- and beat to uniform. Add more powdered sugar until it's as sweet as you like it to taste. Fold in the chocolate chips. Store refrigerated.
Dip the graham crackers in it and eat.
*You can use neufchâtel cheese to reduce calories (it won't affect the taste at all), but since you're making something like this, it's pointless.
†Or substitute something else... read on...
Seriously, this is so easy the only measurements are the package sizes. I did vary the recipe a bit. You see, it's just after Easter, so the candy is all on sale.
|I do not believe in hollow chocolate bunnies.|
|Pictured: More mature.|
|When a recipe starts out like this, you know the Heart Attack Harpy will be waiting.|
|Lemon juice... sorta mixed in. At this point I called it stirred enough.|
|Just a little powdered sugar at first; that way it all mixes in. If you add it all at once it just sort of lumps up.|
|Now just beat the crap out of it until it's nice and smooth.|
Even your sweetest relatives turn vicious when there's a wedding on the line.
|Now start adding more powdered sugar until it's as sweet as you like.|
|And now it's all mixed and taste-tested.|
It was actually really nice once the ceremony was over. I could talk to everyone without being put on the spot or dragged around to be photographed just because I happen to be related to the guy getting married. It was nice to see my cousins again, and also some now near-unrecognizable people who'd been really close friends when we were little. I was mildly confused when they wanted our two families photographed together- it was like they wanted to pretend we were as close as ever when I hadn't seen any of them in person since 2002.
|Now add one ground rabbit.|
|Looks like bean dip, tastes so good you'd definitely believe it's bad for you.|
Anyway, I promised reaction shots, and here they are!
|Too impatient to wait for me to go upstairs and fetch the graham crackers which I'd forgotten.|
|First bite, and...|
|"I think I'm going to cry."|