If you've had one of those days when it seems Gods' mysterious designs of love don't involve you having half an hour or so to get drive-thru, you will doubtless want to sup on something that makes up for it. That does not mean you should put this much meat in a pan:
|Beef and sausage.|
You may decide that despite its unfortunate resemblance to silicone spray, a canned pizza crust seems perfect for encasing what currently resides in the frying pan.
Even though your friend will figure out a good way to make the crust hold its shape while you're baking it, catch yourself in your erroneous ways and desist.
This will surely bring regret to you before the night is out. It's not too late to save the meat for some greater use.
You may try to tell yourself that you haven't had any protein all day and that tomato sauce is healthy, but in your heart you know you are deceiving yourself.
You may say that the cheese on top provides the calcium you haven't had all day, but you know that is a lie.
No amount of fresh produce on top can redeem you from what you are doing, even if it does look like the flag of Mexico on the cutting board.
|You thought I was joking?|
You may, at this point, decide it photographs really well. Savor this moment, for you will need it when the regret arrives.
By the time you remove it from the oven, it will be too late. Your fate is now inescapable, so you may as well not delay it.
|Note the bicycles. Spend a lot of time with them afterward if you do this to yourself.|
Just remember, when your "pizza" is nearly as deep as a loaf pan...
|We'd already bent them for the crust, why bother getting out plates?|
Even though your friend gets this happy eating it...
And even though at first you feel like this...
You'll be lying on the couch with only regret and pain before three hours have passed.