Happy birthday to Our Grandmother of Cookrye! A big party was organized. I had nothing to do with the planning, so the whole thing went absolutely perfect. My gift was to bring her favorite pie. Not that I didn't say I brought it for the party. Nope, her gift was a whole pie, all to herself, to take home. (Fittingly, she happened to give me the cookbook from whence came the pie.)
We've met chess pie before, but let's reiterate the recipe:
| Chess Pie 1 tbsp cornmeal or graham cracker crumbs 1¼ cups sugar 2 tbsp flour 3 eggs ½ cup butter or margarine 1 tbsp vanilla 1 tbsp vinegar (cider vinegar adds a nice flavor) 1 unbaked pie shell Heat oven to 350°. Mix crumbs, sugar and flour in a large bowl. Thoroughly beat in eggs. Whisk in the butter, beat well. Add vanilla and vinegar; pour into pie shell. Bake for 45 minutes (55 in a metal or foil pan).
Mrs. W G Byrd, El Reno, Oklahoma; Favorite Recipes of America: Desserts; 1968
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This pie is pretty quick unless you make the crust yourself. (I love when the good recipes are also the easy ones.) I would have flung this together in three minutes but for one crucial ingredient: graham cracker crumbs.
The original recipe uses a spoonful of cornmeal, and you might think I should follow what is written. But the first time I made this pie (somewhere well before 2010), we ran out of cornmeal and white vinegar. So I substituted graham cracker crumbs and cider vinegar.
At the time, my grandmother (viz. the recipient of this pie) promptly declared it her favorite pie. You might think this was simply grandmotherly praise, but if so, she is committed. She has asked for a chess pie every time we've gotten together ever since. That is a lot of chess pies. I may someday try the recipe exactly as written, but I dared not mess with success on my grandmother's birthday.
I first attempted to borrow one graham cracker. (After all, the recipe only uses a tablespoon of crumbs.) I knocked on the door of every neighbor that's had toddlers in the yard. After getting past their bemusement, no one had any graham crackers in the house. I can't blame them because I didn't have any either, but I was selfishly annoyed all the same.
I then asked the neighbors with kooky, vaguely southwestern yard art. Surely, people with artistic scrap metal in the yard would think nothing of lending a life-saving culinary hand! Well, I was incorrect. Not only did they have no graham crackers (which was fine albeit disappointing), but the woman who answered the door looked at me like I proposed setting up a cocaine dispensary among her quirky decorations.
The very thought of buying a whole box of graham crackers just to pulverize one of them irked me deep in my cheapskate soul. So, I decided to make them for myself. I said to myself "We made that graham pie crust before! It was very easy!" Before getting out the mixing bowl and softening the butter, I remembered that Maida Heatter's recipe made a LOT of graham crackers. So, I quartered the ingredient amounts. This required doing a bit of recipe math, which led to, um, tabulated typewritten recipes.
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| This will not be the week I win the Dillard's gift certificate for typing excellence at secretarial school. |
I had one graham cracker which I could pulverize. I also had a lot of extra ones. Even when you quarter the recipe, you get a lot of crackers. I decided to go a bit British here and make "digestives," which apparently are sort of like graham crackers with the bottom. (I could easily be wrong about this.) I'm surprised that these aren't more popular on our side of the Atlantic. Chocolate and graham crackers are hardly a kooky foreign combination here in glorious America.
But the chocolate-bottomed grahams led to another problem: all the potential wasted chocolate in the bowl.
Sending chocolate to the city dump is a disgrace. So, I folded over the paper I had baked the crackers on to expose its clean side, piled the extra chocolate onto it, and let it harden. Afterward, I cut it into small pieces and returned them to the chocolate chip bag.
After all this detouring, I finally got around to making the pie. And it is time to ask: was this one tablespoon of crumbs really worth it?
Well it was worth it to me because sometimes this kind of thoroughly unnecessary baking is my idea of a good time. Also, I didn't have to interact with people at the grocery store. (Some days, you just can't manage the robotic flow of "how are you i'm fine how are you i'm fine how are you i'm fine.") Also, the pie came out perfect, and the day was a beautiful success!
I wonder if cornmeal with a little molasses (or brown sugar) would be a good enough substitute for the graham cracker. You might have to make a few more pies for your grandmother to decide if that's an acceptable substitute. If she's anything like some people I know, she might need a few pies just to make sure.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe a spoonful of whole-wheat flour and a touch of molasses?
DeleteYou are correct that she wouldn't object to multiple test pies. I know where I get it from.
This is the most cussedly determined thriftiness I have ever seen.
ReplyDeleteI'd always heard, not being Bri'ish myself, that "digestives" are simply the biscuit bit, though they come in lots of different flavors, including chocolate. Not unlike a fudge-covered graham cracker here. Otherwise, I see them used as the all-purpose substitute for graham crackers in recipes that call for them.
Why thank you!
DeleteAre they? The one time I bought them, they were like sturdier graham crackers with chocolate on the bottom. Then the store that specialized in European snacks raised their prices and went under.
I had to laugh with recognition at the part about being reluctant to have to interact with people at the grocery store sometimes. I have a couple grocery stores within walking distance, but I avoid one of them most of the time because the employees are MUCH chattier than they are at the other store. (Regrettably, the one where the employees mind their own business is a little more expensive, but I can deal with that more easily than with every worker I try to avoid still managing to stalk me down for a bit of small talk.)
ReplyDeleteThe hardest part for me is insincere conversation. Sometimes I want to be like, you and I both know you're at work and any chats will slow you down and get on your nerves. You don't need to pretend you're interested in my life or keep a bolt-on smile.
DeleteI know at least some stores require them to do that as part of their job because the higher-ups think friendlier help will get them more customers (without considering that it could very well drive introverts away!). I'm a writing tutor for a college with a big MBA program, and I read a lot of research papers about corporate strategies. One day I had to review a paper about how parent company of the store I avoid adopted this "Be friendly with the customers! And we will spy on you to make sure you're doing it!" strategy. I suddenly understood why the store repels me now. In short, a lot of times they DO have to do it because someone at corporate decided it was a great plan.
DeleteMBAs really do live in their own weird imaginary world, don't they? And those creepy spywares are like chapter 1 of Manna.
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