Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Lavender Cookies, or The classiest recipe we've ever seen printed on a sugar box

Someone left their sugar carton downstairs, inadvertently giving us this recipe:
For those who are curious, I looked up who this 'Joan Porter' who undersigned the recipe might be. No Joan Porters, fictitious or otherwise, came up with any connection to promotional cookie recipes. However, there are many Joan Porters with Pinterest accounts, all of whom have long lists of saved recipes.

This gave us an interesting peep into the lives of people who have more grocery money than we. They can afford to buy name-brand things! These name-brand things come in fancy packages rather than paper sacks! The promotional recipes on the packaging call for things like "edible fragrant flower petals"! After had that much spare money to buy things like this, they can just leave them in the kitchen for 4 weeks and counting! I want to meet the college student who lives like this that I may solicit grocery money.
Well, we're going to see what it's like to live on high hogs for once. It turns out such a lifestyle starts with butter.
I don't know if my heart can handle this tax bracket.

This is the first time we've busted out a mortar and pestle for a cookie recipe. Usually we just use it for tea, but who wants to get a dried flower stuck in their teeth?

I wouldn't even have a mortar and pestle except it was a birthday present from my now-ex. He realized at the cash register that he had left his money at home, so I had to purchase my own present and get reimbursed when we got back. It's those little things that make you go wistful long after you should know better. But hey, if I was always wise, I wouldn't dump what looks like a handful of grass clippings into cookie dough. Since I've already poured tea into cake batter, flowery cookies seem comparatively tame.

Dumping a handful of dried pulverized plant into the dough doesn't seem as daft in person as it might in pictures. Upon mashing them, they released a delightful scent into the kitchen. Anyone who smelled it would not have found the random flecks of stuff in cookie dough off-putting to look at.

At this point, our friends at C&H Sugar think we should get 2 logs of cookie dough, each 1½ inches across and 1 foot long. Having cut the recipe in half, there should be one 1½ inch footlong of dough. However, having made sure we had the correct cookie dough diameter, we ended up with only 8 misshapen inches.

To add insult to extravagance, after cracking open a whole egg, most of the eggwash went unused down the drain and most of the eggy sugar slid off the cookies while baking. Properly expressing how we feel about this requires illustration.

However, these were very good and (egg waste notwithstanding) made a long assignment seem shorter. They were delicious dunked in tea. Or maybe I just like lavender in tea and that swayed my opinion. At any rate, they're slightly unusual tasting without being weird. Should you see lavender teabags among the herbal teas where you shop, try dumping one or two into your next dessert and see how you like it.

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